If Only I Could Make You Mine
by J Plash
Summary: Jacob has been talked back to La Push and human form...for now. In a bid to keep him there, Billy asks Bella down to the reservation for a chat. But everything has changed now, and nothing can be the same. Jpov. BellaEdward, onesided JacobBella.


A/N: I have 2 new fics today, but the other exceeds rating limits here on ff – if you'd like to read it, go to my fic blog – see my profile for the address. It's fun :P This one is more serious, but I hope you like it anyway – I don't usually write Jpov, but I'm reasonably happy with this attempt. All feedback is greatly appreciated – trying a new pov means even more to learn than usual ;-)

Hope you enjoy!

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The leech didn't bother hiding it anymore.

Well. They were never too quiet about it, even in school, but now…now that everyone had fancy, expensive invites telling them about…it. Now getting out of here seemed less crazy every day.

It wasn't just jealousy. Really. It was disgusting. Well. He was disgusting. My head hurt when I thought about it. Sometimes, when I couldn't get them out of my head, I'd think about what pissed me off more. The way everyone gossiped and gave them funny looks and she never seemed to notice. How he was so shameless, so…I could swear sometimes the bloodsucker was gloating. Like he knew I was there. Like he held her like that just to laugh at me pretending not to look. How she smiled. How she looked at him and looked happy. Like she'd never looked at me. Close…close, but never quite like that. How every time I saw them I had to stop my body shaking as I imagined him…it…going for her throat. I was getting better. But sometimes, when I'd round a corner up in Forks and see them kissing, holding hands, talking and grinning and…I could chuck. Or rip his head off.

Everything was wrong now. Even the beach was wrong. Even…where we used to go. Before. I didn't go there now. 'Cause when I thought about there, when any of us went there, even if I stayed away myself…I kept seeing her there with _him_, and everything'd hurt again. That time hurt the most. When I came down the beach after her, and I knew where she'd be…and she'd brought him. I shouldn't have called her. Well. I _didn't_ call her, my dad did. After they all called me back. After I saw my dad and knew I couldn't just leave again. After Sam showed me how he'd been…how my dad had shouted at him, to order me to stay. And even though he hadn't…even though Sam'd had the decency to give me a choice, I couldn't just leave again. My dad didn't shout like that. Ever. Like he was so desperate. I couldn't leave him again. Not all alone. I couldn't give it all away. Not just yet. But I shouldn't have let her come. Should've told my dad it was a stupid thing to do, calling her down here. Told him that was the last thing I wanted. Should've sent Seth and told the leech I didn't want her here. Seth still got on ok with him. He would have listened. He would have kept her away, if I'd said.

Couldn't. Couldn't do it. My dad wouldn't care so much. But she'd cry. And…and I always hated…always hated seeing her cry. She did it a lot. Before. And I cared less. But still.

_If only I could make you mine_, I'd say to her in my head. _If only I could make you mine, you wouldn't cry anymore._

But now...now everything was different. I walked down the beach…when I woke up, and my dad told me she was here, down there, waiting for me, and it felt so crazy like before…like so many mornings when I'd hauled my carcass out of bed for a message that she was down the beach…I could see her in my head, sitting on the white wood, waiting for me. Like before. I could see her, staring out at the water, like she couldn't see anything. All wrapped around herself like she always was. I could feel it in me. I could've done it. I could have sat down, and held her hand. She would've let me. She wouldn't have fought that. It would've been okay. But I could smell the stink before I could see them. I shut up my thoughts. I've got good at that. Damn thought-stealer. I stayed quiet. I let them not notice. And by the time the mind-leech noticed me, I was close enough to hear her complain when he let go of her. Close enough to hear him whisper in her ear—"He's here, love." _Love._ Yuck. Close enough to see how guilty she looked when she looked over his shoulder and saw me standing there. Close enough not to care.

"Figured you'd be down here." I didn't even tremble. Not even my hands. Not even my backbone. It gave me a kind of pissed off satisfaction. She just nodded at me. She always used to do that too. And I always knew it was 'cause she couldn't talk. She never knew I knew that. She never thought I knew much at all. I didn't come closer.

It took her a few seconds. "I told Billy not to wake you."

"Yeah." The bloodsucker was perched in my spot like he belonged there and it pissed me off more. I looked out at the rocks. Clouds. The water was always grey. No one said anything. This was stupid. I made myself glare back at them. She was watching me. Standing a few feet from the driftwood, like she wanted to come over. Like she wanted to come towards me. Walk across the beach and whisper to _me_. Let him be the one standing by himself like an idiot. And then, as I thought about moving closer, as I almost nearly took a step, her eyes flickered back to the bloodsucker sitting perched like a rock in my spot, and I crossed out my stupid thinking and thought it again. She didn't look like she wanted to come to me. She looked like she thought she should take a few steps and talk to me 'cause my dad had called her down here but she really wanted to run back and hold his hand. That was what she looked like. It was pathetic. It was…not Bella. Not the Bella I knew.

"You shouldn't have come." The words were out of my mouth before I thought about it. "It was my dad who wanted you to come, not me. And bringing the leech was just dumb. He's not welcome here."

He didn't react. Of course. He never reacted. Damn leech. And Bella…Bella just started crying. Not all out, she almost never went all out. But I could see the tears there where she held them back. I'd seen them that way too many times. "Oh." Her voice all thin and high. I felt everything starting to hurt again. _If only I could make you mine._ If only I could make you mine.

But I couldn't. I knew that now. I looked out at the rocks again. "Sorry, Bella. Didn't mean to hurt you. But this is over. Get him off my beach."

I didn't walk over there. I didn't call her 'honey' and hold her and pretend it was all okay and stop her crying. I pushed it all away. I did my best to keep my eyes out on the rocks. Rocks and waves. I couldn't really keep my eyes off her, not really. In the water was her body drowning in my arms. And away from it, she was crying and looking at him and looking at my back and trying to catch my eye and looking away. But I didn't move. I let her go to him. I let her mumble "sorry" at me through her tears. I let him put his arms around her. I let her walk away. And when she mumbled "bye, Jake" at my back as they went past, I didn't let her hear me say "goodbye, honey" back. "Goodbye, honey. Goodbye, Bella." Under my breath. I turned around just in time to see him pick her up. Just in time to see them blur. Just in time to see them move too fast. Just in time to see her disappear.

_If only I could make you mine._

I picked up a stone and chucked it way out into the waves. "Goodbye Bella."

Goodbye.


End file.
